Thursday, May 1, 2008

I'm a bad mother and other events

Happy Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Month!

So much for my efforts to keep this updated! We HAVE had a lot going on. We just signed for a new house, some friends got married, packing to move, Great Strides...April flew by! And Samuel just turned 6 months old.

Before you call child protective services, Samuel is fine and I've been assured these things happen all the time. Samuel was on the couch in his car seat and Kevin and I had wondered upstairs. About 2 seconds after I realized Samuel was downstairs by himself, I heard him screaming. On my way down the stairs, which seemed to be in slow motion, I realized Samuel wasn't where I had left him. He was laying on his tummy on the floor. He had fallen out of his seat and onto the floor. By the time I got him calmed down, I was a mess. Needless to say, we buckle him in all the time now, no matter what.

We also had an impromptu visit to Phoenix Children's urgent care clinic on Tuesday night. It's a great facility and I wish it didn't take a 102.9 fever to get us there. Samuel's fever spiked rather quickly the other day and unfortunately his pediatrician's office was closed when it happened. At this point, the doctor thinks it's a viral infection. The good news is his lungs and ears were clear and seemed fine. The bad news is, well, I know for sure that a 6 month old boy doesn't like to have a catheter and isn't too fond of getting blood drawn either. On the other hand, I know what it takes to get Kevin off the golf course before the round is finished. Sorry Kevin!

Samuel still doesn't have any teeth. I keep expecting him to open his mouth and show me two, but he will probably let me know about any teeth he has by biting me.

Great Strides was great on Saturday. Team Samuel exceeded its goal. At the time of this post, we have raised $5,415 for the CF Foundation. This far exceeded our goal of $3,000. If I had to, I think I could do that walk every weekend. It didn't take too long and was lots of fun. I wasn't expecting it to be as emotional as it was.

Never did I ever think I would participate in a walk like that for my son. Later that afternoon I had a few minutes to reflect on the morning and began to, well, honestly worry about Samuel and all he will face. As his mom, I want to protect him and keep him from harm and pain but now, looking ahead, I am not prepared to do that and I'm fearful of all he will face that just isn't fair for a boy like him! From time to time it's been easy to check back into a little pity party for him. So, last night, it was all too timely to be reminded of the peace God has for us. While we were having a Bible study at church, our friend leading it started with the scripture from John 14:27 (New International Version) "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." He could have read that and dismissed us because, even though I know in my heart I'm supposed to have His peace, who doesn't need to be reminded from time to time? It was at least the second time this week I just wanted to look to the heavens and say "OK, God. I get it." So, again, I'm doing this the hard way and worrying for things I can not change. And while we can't choose our lots, we can choose how we respond to what's been given to us. Hopefully I can make this easier on myself and listen the first time.

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